It always begins or starts with that moment.
I haven’t wrote things for a long time. When my parents were still healthy, I wrote poems, and I drew.
Then my dad was sick, very badly. Then my mom.
Then I feel there’s nothing in me anymore.
I have deep sorrow rages everyday. I believe there are certain people like me, in this world who are also hating about the unfairness. “why me? why my family?” I guess there are someone that are much worse than my case. But I won’t tell.
For almost 90%of my life time, I spend it all alone. People dislike me, and I don’t recognize I’m part of them. In order to remain relevant to this world, I started to care about big things. Like spacecraft, world environment, etc. Do I really care? Not at all.
I just need to grab something to proof that I’m still relevant to this world. I am alone all by myself, but if I’m not here, also doesn’t matter too much. There’s no one in this world - really loves me.
“It’s too painful.”
Yes, indeed. I replid.
This is what technology is bringing to us. It weakened our ability to feel, to laugh and to cry, to be emotional. But my brain has been washed into a senseless machine - always fills with trash. When I have spare time, I’m not gonna love this world, but instead - I scrolled on my phone to view trash news that are irrelevant to me at all.
“Love hurts too much.”
If you wanna ask me - am i still doing design? I want to tell you - doing design is good, but it includes too many parts that most of the designers in this world - they forget about why we design. most of them care about “just Form” very much.
Why? For whom, for what reason?
During the second time of pandemic lockdown, I was working in Shanghai. And all of a sudden - everything started to close. Hospital is hard to get in unless you have the green code to prove that you are healthy. Old people who lived on there own - if not properly cared for - there’s huge risk to die alone at home which - many similar cases had occured. Under that condition, Love is not something people talk about anymore.
I discovered that - people have the need to excerise even during that special time period.
My Childhood